I had an epiphany! It's 1 am, later than I've stayed up in a loong time. I am so used to going to bed early, but since Dennis has been here and since I kind of attempted to go out last night and went to bed around 12:45, I am just not tired yet! I spent the day feeling like poo, sick with the stomach flu and sick in the head from this PMDD nightmare. I was so depressed and questioning my life and my future and everything like I always do, and I started watching all these makeup tutorials online by this celebrity makeup artist Kandee Johnson. She is so sunny and happy and upbeat and I actually watched her "story", an inspirational video about how she got to where she is, including the obstacles she went through and how we should never give up. She quoted a boxer who said his biggest weapon was his right hook and the fact that he always gets back up when he's knocked down. I think it's because I don't have anyone in my life to inspire me, I just always look at the negative and feel down about myself, but her video and her attitude really inspired me to change the way I look at things. I got into an arguement with my Grammy today. I really treat her badly, I always complain about her and never want anything to do with her. But since having this realization I wrote her a letter pretty much bearing my heart and soul and apologizing for being so difficult to be around. It made me feel a lot better. I also made a pact with myself that I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and start caring about what I look like and how I act. I am starting my beauty regimen tomorrow. I am going to start eating right and running daily. Starting tomorrow morning, I am going on a life diet. I am going to change the way I look, feel, act, and treat people. The book The Secret talks about how if you project positive messages into the universe, positive things will come your way. Maybe I am always so miserable because I allow myself to be miserable. It's almost like I want misery to come my way. I am expecting things to go wrong because I am feeling sorry for myself. I am going to start thinking positive.
Starting with a list of things I like:
My Forget Me Knot ring from my boyfriend for my 22nd birthday:

The fireworks over the Brooklyn Bridge from Harbor Light Restaurant on July 4, 2008; one of the best nights of my life:
Rollercoasters!! I have yet to get Dennis on one of these:
Drawing:
Baking(especially cupcakes, my favourite!):
Friends<3:
My boyfriend and our antics:
Being genuinely happy:
Rockaway Beach at night:

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7